When I wake up, I'm stil disoriented. Why am I in a single bed? Why do I hear adult voices in the kitchen? How do I turn the alarm clock off on this phone? There's a kid in the bed next to me? Whaaatt?? And then it all hits me.
I've decided once again to immerse myself in the unfamiliar. Wanting nothing more than to discover new things about the world around me I get up and start the day. Unless, I've immersed myself in the unfamiliar because it causes a distraction for me. It turns my attention away from wanting nothing more than to discover new things about ME.
Sorry self, I'll get to you later, right now I have to spend the day in a busy restaraunt kitchen with a french speaking chef and spanish speaking EVERYONE else.
Sorry self, I'll get to you later, right now I am going to try to keep a lid on a ten year old whose explosion is inevitable and everyone just wades cautiously in HIS waters.
Sorry self, I'll get you you later, right now I am going to try to create some peace for Sadie, who is constantly battling herself and everyone around her.
Sorry self, you'll get your turn... once everything is familiar again.
What if these summer escapes aren't really escapes at all? What am I escaping? Why am I drawn to the unfamiliar? How can I get back to the thought process that had me convinced that leaving the people that know me best, will help me know myself better?
Right now nothing makes sense.
xo
Saturday, May 29
Sunday, May 23
Crazy Crazy Crazy
I don't even know where to begin with this one. In my life, my looong 21 years, I've met a lot of people. Good, bad, positive, negative, happy, sad, soft spoken, SO loud, and everything in bewteen. Never in my 21 years have I met one person that is all of the above... until now. She will be called Sadie, because I miss my roommates cat sometimes. Sadie takes medication, and has a busy schedule. She has 3 children, and a very calm husband. She has a mind that controls her, which means she has no control over her mind. She makes noises... I think sometimes only because she hasn't said anything in more than 2 minutes and she feels the need to make sure her vocal chords still operate adequately. Sadie is confusing.
Over the next few months you'll hear more about Sadie. Right now though, I want to talk about a thought I had on the train last night while I was watching Sadie aimlessly flip through a book called The Riches Within written by John DeMartini (http://www.drdemartini.com/) I was introduced to this book by a very important person to me and it has been a source of... I guess you could say reerence for me when I feel unsure. I thought that Sadie could certainly benefit from reading DeMartini's perspectives, and hopefully take something away from the book that could help. But then I realised this:
In the wrong hands the secret to health and happiness will lay dormant waiting for a spark of inspiration and desire to ignite the flames.
I believe that Sadie is so unfocused, that the idea of taking on the task of changing her ways that in her mind are set in stone, would be overwhelming and that makes her avoid the idea completely. Now, in no way am I implying that I'm on the path to enlightenment, or that I'm better, or that Sadie is effed beyond repair. I'm implying that anyone can be given the tools to change, to better themselves and their lives. Having the tools doesn't make anything happen.
I've been given the tools in this experience to create something for myself. I've made the decision that I will use these tools, all of them. I will never have something so powerful in front of me and allow it to lay dormant.
-----------------------------------------
Went to my first spinning class today. REDICULOUS! Stepford wives with jewels and makeup melting all around me. My bum hurts. I hated it, but I'm going back.
I start training tomorow in the city. SO excited.
Went for a stroll in times square last night. there were a group of about 7 guys, obviously tourists, who decided to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and start an acapella group. They were good. They did about 3 songs before security broke it up. They had a huge crowd around them by that time. It made me smile.
I miss my family. I once read that if a group of people threw their problems into the middle of the room, everyone would take their own right back. I like my family's problems. I understand them.
--------------------------------------
No matter how you feel, Get Up. Dress Up. Show Up.
xo
Over the next few months you'll hear more about Sadie. Right now though, I want to talk about a thought I had on the train last night while I was watching Sadie aimlessly flip through a book called The Riches Within written by John DeMartini (http://www.drdemartini.com/) I was introduced to this book by a very important person to me and it has been a source of... I guess you could say reerence for me when I feel unsure. I thought that Sadie could certainly benefit from reading DeMartini's perspectives, and hopefully take something away from the book that could help. But then I realised this:
In the wrong hands the secret to health and happiness will lay dormant waiting for a spark of inspiration and desire to ignite the flames.
I believe that Sadie is so unfocused, that the idea of taking on the task of changing her ways that in her mind are set in stone, would be overwhelming and that makes her avoid the idea completely. Now, in no way am I implying that I'm on the path to enlightenment, or that I'm better, or that Sadie is effed beyond repair. I'm implying that anyone can be given the tools to change, to better themselves and their lives. Having the tools doesn't make anything happen.
I've been given the tools in this experience to create something for myself. I've made the decision that I will use these tools, all of them. I will never have something so powerful in front of me and allow it to lay dormant.
-----------------------------------------
Went to my first spinning class today. REDICULOUS! Stepford wives with jewels and makeup melting all around me. My bum hurts. I hated it, but I'm going back.
I start training tomorow in the city. SO excited.
Went for a stroll in times square last night. there were a group of about 7 guys, obviously tourists, who decided to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and start an acapella group. They were good. They did about 3 songs before security broke it up. They had a huge crowd around them by that time. It made me smile.
I miss my family. I once read that if a group of people threw their problems into the middle of the room, everyone would take their own right back. I like my family's problems. I understand them.
--------------------------------------
No matter how you feel, Get Up. Dress Up. Show Up.
xo
Saturday, May 22
Find Something That's Enough to Keep You
Here I am. New York.
Only half a day into my three month stay and I can feel my things-to-remember-because-they're-epic tank nearing full. I've gotten to see why there are entire television shows based on housewives of different areas, I've gotten to see the 3 brother's dynamic in comparison to the 3 sisters dynamic, and most importantly... and certainly most emotional, I've gotten to see what it's like to have a man who looks at you and see's nothing but potential, treat me like a daughter. My uncle will change my life this summer. ** My uncle will help ME change my life **
Here is what I've learned.
Space = Control
Please allow yourelf some time to get yourself grounded, established, and comfortable before you invite anyone into your experience. While you're establishing the space around you (both mentally and physically) you gain control over just that. Take stock of what you need and make sure that you have it, if you do not have it, go and get it, create it for yourself if you must. This isn't to say that you should keep people at a distance, not allowing people in isn't creating space, it is isolation. It also certainly doesn't imply that you should always have a certain amount of physical space around you because that is impossible in Manhattan. What it does imply is that your space is yours, it is fimiliar, and it should be calming, and comfortable. Listen to yourself, because in the end, the rewards will be more than you could ever imagine.
Buisness DOES NOT EQUAL Personal
These are two seperate facets of your life. With importance stressed on the fact that the combination of the two does not produce a successful buisness life as well as personal life.
Sit up Straight
It makes a difference in how people interact with you. Proven through experience.
Listen
If you aren't listening, make sure you at least know the topic... getting stuck is embarassing. Best way to avoid this is to listen, even if it is a middle aged woman talking about how hot her 15 year old is, and how she is just like her mother. Just Listen.
-------------------------------------------
Complete topic change. There is a person, well there are many, but one person in particular that I will miss everyday that I am away. I want to tell this person that I love them SO much, and that they are welcome here anytime, and that with my most honest and sincere self I am thankful to have them in my life. So greatful. So blessed. I love you!
-------------------------------------------
So here I go, If these bright lights don't receive me, I'm going to turn myself around and come on home.
xo
Only half a day into my three month stay and I can feel my things-to-remember-because-they're-epic tank nearing full. I've gotten to see why there are entire television shows based on housewives of different areas, I've gotten to see the 3 brother's dynamic in comparison to the 3 sisters dynamic, and most importantly... and certainly most emotional, I've gotten to see what it's like to have a man who looks at you and see's nothing but potential, treat me like a daughter. My uncle will change my life this summer. ** My uncle will help ME change my life **
Here is what I've learned.
Space = Control
Please allow yourelf some time to get yourself grounded, established, and comfortable before you invite anyone into your experience. While you're establishing the space around you (both mentally and physically) you gain control over just that. Take stock of what you need and make sure that you have it, if you do not have it, go and get it, create it for yourself if you must. This isn't to say that you should keep people at a distance, not allowing people in isn't creating space, it is isolation. It also certainly doesn't imply that you should always have a certain amount of physical space around you because that is impossible in Manhattan. What it does imply is that your space is yours, it is fimiliar, and it should be calming, and comfortable. Listen to yourself, because in the end, the rewards will be more than you could ever imagine.
Buisness DOES NOT EQUAL Personal
These are two seperate facets of your life. With importance stressed on the fact that the combination of the two does not produce a successful buisness life as well as personal life.
Sit up Straight
It makes a difference in how people interact with you. Proven through experience.
Listen
If you aren't listening, make sure you at least know the topic... getting stuck is embarassing. Best way to avoid this is to listen, even if it is a middle aged woman talking about how hot her 15 year old is, and how she is just like her mother. Just Listen.
-------------------------------------------
Complete topic change. There is a person, well there are many, but one person in particular that I will miss everyday that I am away. I want to tell this person that I love them SO much, and that they are welcome here anytime, and that with my most honest and sincere self I am thankful to have them in my life. So greatful. So blessed. I love you!
-------------------------------------------
So here I go, If these bright lights don't receive me, I'm going to turn myself around and come on home.
xo
Saturday, April 17
Lookin for Life, Love, and Laughter
I'm sitting here in a coffee shop on King St. with KG (itskgyo.blogspot.com). We came here to study... three hours ago... and we're just starting now. 20 Days until I'm leaving on a jetplane, unreal. I have no idea what to expect from this experience.
Here's my question right now. How is it possible for people at this stage in their lives to be so sure of themselves and what they want? I think I have what can only be considered a rough outline of an outline of a plan for my life. I sometimes think that those people with a final draft are just really good at faking it. Here is what I know.
Life. It is always going to be filled with uncertainties... even when you are most certain... I think that's why life stays exciting. I know that I always want my life to be exciting. This I know.
Love. I know that love is what makes me wake up in the morning. I know that I never want to stop being able to feel the love in the relationships I have with my family and friends. This I know.
Laughter. I know that I always want to be able to laugh at anything... oh trust, I can laugh at anything. Laughter is the best feeling in the world. This I know.
I suppose that's enough knowledge for now... I'm not even 21 and a half yet!!
I know that I am so looking forward to what happens next.
Stay Tuned.
xo
Here's my question right now. How is it possible for people at this stage in their lives to be so sure of themselves and what they want? I think I have what can only be considered a rough outline of an outline of a plan for my life. I sometimes think that those people with a final draft are just really good at faking it. Here is what I know.
Life. It is always going to be filled with uncertainties... even when you are most certain... I think that's why life stays exciting. I know that I always want my life to be exciting. This I know.
Love. I know that love is what makes me wake up in the morning. I know that I never want to stop being able to feel the love in the relationships I have with my family and friends. This I know.
Laughter. I know that I always want to be able to laugh at anything... oh trust, I can laugh at anything. Laughter is the best feeling in the world. This I know.
I suppose that's enough knowledge for now... I'm not even 21 and a half yet!!
I know that I am so looking forward to what happens next.
Stay Tuned.
xo
Monday, April 5
Look at me, just Bloggin away!
So here it is, my blog. I'm moving to New York for the summer, and writing in a journal is just sooo 8 months ago. So I'll keep this, and you'll read it. This should be fun. xo
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